Me and Cooking...

I have always been asked this question - why don't I cook? It’s not like I don’t like cooking or I cannot cook, just that I am not built for cooking.

My elaborate cooking procedure usually begins with getting the menu straight for the evening. The list invariably includes potato fry and tomato rasam with rare inclusions of other curries. If I am not permitted to work with potato or the rasam, then the menu automatically transforms into my personal wish list that includes chana choley and fried rice. No other items will be entertained or be included for that day anymore.

After the menu is finalized, I begin with the cutting and peeling activities. This is always accompanied by Reshammiya's Jarring soundtracks on my PC or ESPN football commentaries on the TV. Every peeler and knife, of every size possibly available in the kitchen will be used for this process. When this process nears its completion, I begin with checking for the right utensil to cook. I can never guess the right one for the quantity I am working on. I end up using almost everything that’s not already in the sink for washing. My idea of frying is that you should know that it’s fried even without looking at the item. The burnt smell should give you an idea of how fried the potatoes are. At a strategic point of time dumping a few teaspoons of rasam powder in tomato paste or diced tomatoes boiled in water for more than 15 mins gives you an apetite that you will remember for years or the next day morning for sure.

So after all this is over in about 2 hours time, the kitchen loses its charm and appeal and no longer resembles what it used to be when I started cooking that evening.

Now with all of this said, do you still think I am built for cooking. I wouldn’t think so. Instead I always offer my help outside the kitchen, over the dining table where you give the cook the satisfaction of the greatest meal ever cooked by finishing off everything that is being served that evening.

1 billion, 2 billion, 3 billion ...

This morning I was doing my daily roundups of online news sites and I came across this article on Bill Gates by rediff.com.

Seems in his November 2005 visit to India, on one of the occasions he had to share the dias with Narayana Murthy. They were asked to test their mikes and Mr. Narayana Murthy said the usual 'one, two , three mike check', but Mr.Gates said 'one billion, two billion, three billion'. The article goes on to describe how rich and modest he is and how much his personal property is worth (no guessing, its around $50 billion).

So I was thinking, even I could have said 'one billion, two billion, three billion..' but could I have pulled it off as good? If I were to really say that in public, the general audience could mistake me as ...

one billion - current population of India.
two billion - people of Indian origin around the globe.
three billion - our population target for this decade.

Now as you can see its not a very wise thing to say.  Doesn't sound good at all .. does it?

Active members

Recently I was required to preside over a meeting for a committee I was chairing. I was supposed to introduce all the members of the committee and give a little pep talk to boost their morale.

I was to recognize all the active members and also encourage the not so active members to start taking active participation in the committe activities and other events.

I prepared a small speech for the meeting but mid way through the meeting I realized that almost everything on my speech was already conveyed to the members by other members of the committee executive board. Since I was the last one to speak I thought I might end the meeting on a lighter note and so started out laying the different kinds of active members in our group.

Active members: Members who actively take part in the activities that they seem to be interested in.

In-active members: Members who willingly avoid almost any kind of participation in the committee activities.

Over-active members: Members who with their high energy levels display their state of high caffiene and do things that they are not even supposed to do.

Re-active members: Members who do not take part in any activity and instead stop others from taking active participation.

And now my favorite...

Attr-active members: These are the real crowd pullers in the group who are not really required to do anything but make people around them actively participate in the group activities with their charm.

When the talk ended, I thought it was in my best interest to not wait for people to come up to me with their reactions and quietly slipped out through the back door. Now that was a talk wasnt it ;)

Sports and Sponsorship

This morning I was listening to BBC world and guess what ? Two of my most favorite sports were being featured - Cricket and American Football. Hearing about cricket in USA was muchly cool !!!!

There was a time (until Sachin beat Desmond Haynes' record for the highest number of test centuries) when I could recollect at length the way every ball was bowled, the way it was hit by every Indian batsman, any incidents of spectacular fielding - you name it and I could be the talking parrot. So much that midterm exams were of no importance when it came to an Indian cricket match. 8 hours ( or 8x5 hours) of pure bliss. None of my girl friends dug me back then.

Here's a bow to the greatest sport ever - Cricket.

So coming to this morning, the show featured the influence of sponsorship on sports. ICC chairman stated that a whopping 1.2 billion dollars would be amassed via sponsorships by the end of 2008. Also a few cricketers featured on the programme ( yesh, British english) Stephen Fleming the kiwi captain and Mushtaq Ahmed (not a big fan of him). They were talking about endorsements and how they exercise caution while deciding to endorse a product.

Then came the interesting part - tobacco and sports. The above cricketers claimed that they would never endorse anything related to tobacco, alcohol and gambling. I was sitting there saying bull !! Didn't we not have the Wills cup ? Wasn't Four Square a big sponsor of cricket? Feh !

In any event the experience was great just listening about cricket and too bad no Indian cricketer was on. That would have definitely made my day.

By the time I reached our concrete parking lot, satellite radio gave up on me and also reminded me there are less important things like earning my bread than living in passion for cricket. Also I could not listen to the rest of the programme.

Keep in touch

I have always heard my friends and sometimes myself end conversations with these three words "Keep in touch". What does this keep in touch really mean. What do we really mean when we ask them to keep in touch.

I always wondered how often should you call or talk to your friend to make sure you stay in touch. Conversations with friends are a never ending process and no matter how much you talk to them, you know there is always something thats left out and you need to start another conversation to finish that one. Its a never ending process. The closer the friend is, the more you need to talk to them and discuss your life with them. If its the closest friend then he needs every detail of your personal life as well.

At the end of the day no matter how much you talk to them, does all the talking qualify as you staying in touch with them or am I over doing it? This question is way beyond my intellectual ability.

Guys Vs Gals

Here is another one in the guys vs gals wars. Got this in a mail forwarded to me.

Seems this is an open letter from all guys to their gals.

The Guys' Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

Please note that all the rules are numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.

You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every
question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's
what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem, See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible , Please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, NOT a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what Mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine.  Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as football, baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape, Round is also a shape!

for(i =0; i<=evry1; i++) hello;

Now is that something really smart or utterly dumb.

I would go with the latter. I would not expect a normal person with a normal or higher degree of intellectuality to read that and go " hey, hello to u too". BTW, just for the record, that for .. whatever it was, meant a simple hello.

I had this sent to me by my "Expert Programmer" friend who thought it was quite innovative and said a lot about his programming skills. Well finally I have a reply befitting his "hello". Next time I have him come over to my place, I am gonna offer him beer as in :

function whenfriendvisitsmyplace()
{

if(friend==you)     //you as in you my expert programmer friend
yougetbeer = false;

}